Life lately.

On: Sunday, January 20, 2013

I have felt uptight inside recently. It isn't a fun feeling. Recently I was convicted that this feeling is really due to pride in my parenting. Ouch.

I've felt burdened because this transition has caused my older two to fight more than normal and it adds tension to our home. Burdened because parenting Katee's broken heart makes me question everything I do (more internal tension). Uptight because I worry if it will really be okay if I grocery shop with all three of them or take them all to story time at the library. I want to appear put together and "perfect" when so often these days we are not. . .  it's pride.
I am a humble steward of my children. They are God's inheritance.

Lord, forgive me for parenting out of fear and pride instead of your love and grace.

Thankfully, each day is also filled with such special, sweet moments.
The three kids are bonding and truly becoming siblings. The first thing Katee said when we woke up this morning was, "Pla. Wee Wee" (translation: "Play, Ori.").
Calla walks around saying, "I love Katee SOOO much!"
Katee goes to sleep without shedding a tear these days. She is definitely settling in.

And this guy? He is saying some profound things these days. One evening last week while I was cooking dinner, Ori was telling me what a great day he had . . . except that he "fought a 'ittle bit with [his] Sissy Love." I asked him why that was and this was his response: "Sometimes my heart just wants to be on its own. Without God. But not right now, Mommy! I want God!" I think that's true of my heart too.

And so we press on. Realizing our need for more of Jesus and learning to love each other deeply. Failing and getting back up. Thankful His mercies are new every morning.

Life is very sweet.

8 comments on "Life lately."

The Sieberts said...

Julie the words that Ori blessed you with shows that you are doing a wonderful job being a mom! You are so wise and humble with your words and that is what i love about you! hugs friend!

MICHELE said...

Funny should bring this up because that is exactly what I feel and am struggling with. I just want to be perfect and have it all together and not be "that mom." But I have to let God and let God. And the only thing I really am perfect at is NOT being perfect. Love that you shared your heart! Hugs!

flower power momma said...

Beautifully said. I love how God used Ori to bless you too. What a gift that your miss Katee is settling in the warmth and love that surrounds her. Being a mom IS hard, especially to small children. You're doing a good job, honest.

Janet Dubac said...

Thanks for sharing your story Julie. It was a very good read. I'm really amazed about how you raised Ori. He is really smart, loving, and most of all, knows the great love of the Lord for us. I am sure that you're raising your kids really well. :) said...

Thank you for sharing this heartfelt confession. I love a REAL blog post in my Google Reader. Also, you have a beautiful family and I'm sure you're doing an awesome job as mom and wife. Praying for God's blessing, provision, humility and grace for you today. :)

Tera said...

Such a wonderful reminder...not of fear and pride but out of love and grace. Thank you! Your children are just precious and I know you are making impressions on their hearts! BTW- I had to take Brielle out of the sanctuary yest morning before church even started and I smiled thinking of you as I did.

Julie said...

thanks for your honesty, julie. you are a mom i want to model myself after, and i so cherish the times i get to watch you parent. you are doing a fabulous job bc you lean hard into the Lord. and ori's comments are a beautiful picture of how God is using you as Mommy to glorify Himself. Praise Jesus!

Jennifer said...

What a beautiful post! I've been following your blog for quite a few years now, (I believe I stumbled over here from The Macs) but this is the first time I've really commented. Following your adoption journey has been amazing. My heart longs for the day when I can adopt a precious soul! Thank you for letting us see all of the sides of this transition!