I have felt uptight inside recently. It isn't a fun feeling. Recently I was convicted that this feeling is really due to pride in my parenting. Ouch.
I've felt burdened because this transition has caused my older two to fight more than normal and it adds tension to our home. Burdened because parenting Katee's broken heart makes me question everything I do (more internal tension). Uptight because I worry if it will really be okay if I grocery shop with all three of them or take them all to story time at the library. I want to appear put together and "perfect" when so often these days we are not. . . it's pride.
I am a humble steward of my children. They are God's inheritance.
Lord, forgive me for parenting out of fear and pride instead of your love and grace.
Thankfully, each day is also filled with such special, sweet moments.
The three kids are bonding and truly becoming siblings. The first thing Katee said when we woke up this morning was, "Pla. Wee Wee" (translation: "Play, Ori.").
Calla walks around saying, "I love Katee SOOO much!"
Katee goes to sleep without shedding a tear these days. She is definitely settling in.
And this guy? He is saying some profound things these days. One evening last week while I was cooking dinner, Ori was telling me what a great day he had . . . except that he "fought a 'ittle bit with [his] Sissy Love." I asked him why that was and this was his response: "Sometimes my heart just wants to be on its own. Without God. But not right now, Mommy! I want God!" I think that's true of my heart too.
And so we press on. Realizing our need for more of Jesus and learning to love each other deeply. Failing and getting back up. Thankful His mercies are new every morning.
Life is very sweet.
5 hours ago