I will admit that yesterday was the hardest day I have had yet. Our agency received two LOAs, but not ours. I sobbed after reading that email. It was an ugly, aching cry.
Yesterday was also my 8th wedding anniversary (Yay!! Celebrating tonight!). I had been praying we would receive our approval letter on our anniversary; it just seemed like a special day to receive a precious piece of paper . . . and God is good like that. He likes to give good gifts to His children. What I didn't realize is that I was expecting Him to answer that prayer (on my timetable). I really thought yesterday was going to be the day. And it wasn't. That hurt deeply.
I read part of Psalm 119 yesterday at breakfast and paused at verse 20:
My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.
What am I longing for? How would I finish this sentence: "My soul is consumed with longing for ___________".
I humbly admitted to the Lord that rather than being consumed with longing for Him and His Word, I was consumed with longing for my LOA. Consumed with longing for my daughter to be home with her family.
Those things are good and part of God's plan for my family, but I ultimately long for my heart to truly cry out, "My soul is consumed with longing for your Word at all times." It is God's Word that will ultimately bring me peace, rest, conviction, and transformation during this season of waiting. He hears the cry of my heart.
Lord, help me be content to wait on your timing and to accept your way of doing this adoption journey. I am trusting you as I wait. Make me usable for whatever purpose you have in mind and equip me to be a mother to this precious child. I trust the end results to you.
8 comments on "Consumed"
This spoke to me so much! After having our second miscarriage I've spent the year longing for a healthy pregnancy, which hasn't happened yet, and just in the last month have I started to feel a transformation of not trying to force my timeline to his plan for me. I've read for a long time and don't often comment, but I had to tell you that I felt like that post was written directly for me. :) And that in a certain way I 100% feel your pain.
I keep checking back hoping to read good news, so hopefully one day soon!!
Take care,
Megan
Prayers and hugs coming your way from your little fan club in Australia.
Michelle x
Julie, I can't tell you how your blog blesses and challenges me every time I read it! I am sad that you are still waiting. Seems like God likes to use waiting to change and refine us.
I remember your wedding day! It was so pretty, personal and fun!
I love you, sister!
Lesli
Julie, I am hoping and praying you guys get your LOA very soon. Waiting is always the hardest thing. Happy Anniversary to you both!
praying for you friend!
Just found your blog and I want to give you some encouragement on your LOA wait. This past year we waited 171 days for our LOA for our 5th child from China. And this is the verse I clung to:
"But these things I plan won’t happen right away slowly, steadily, surely the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, be patient. For it will surely take place. It will not be late by a single day." ~Habakkuk 2:3
Big hugs. It will come soon, and your precious new child will be worth every single day of your long wait.
I can't believe I haven't commented on this yet. Love this post and love you and Ian so much!! Can't believe you have celebrated 8 years together!! Amazing how God has changed and molded us in those years. Praying for you each and every day. Begging God to send the LOA but also trusting it is in His perfect time. Love and hugs.
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