I will admit that yesterday was the hardest day I have had yet. Our agency received two LOAs, but not ours. I sobbed after reading that email. It was an ugly, aching cry.
Yesterday was also my 8th wedding anniversary (Yay!! Celebrating tonight!). I had been praying we would receive our approval letter on our anniversary; it just seemed like a special day to receive a precious piece of paper . . . and God is good like that. He likes to give good gifts to His children. What I didn't realize is that I was expecting Him to answer that prayer (on my timetable). I really thought yesterday was going to be the day. And it wasn't. That hurt deeply.
I read part of Psalm 119 yesterday at breakfast and paused at verse 20:
My soul is consumed with longing for your laws at all times.
What am I longing for? How would I finish this sentence: "My soul is consumed with longing for ___________".
I humbly admitted to the Lord that rather than being consumed with longing for Him and His Word, I was consumed with longing for my LOA. Consumed with longing for my daughter to be home with her family.
Those things are good and part of God's plan for my family, but I ultimately long for my heart to truly cry out, "My soul is consumed with longing for your Word at all times." It is God's Word that will ultimately bring me peace, rest, conviction, and transformation during this season of waiting. He hears the cry of my heart.
Lord, help me be content to wait on your timing and to accept your way of doing this adoption journey. I am trusting you as I wait. Make me usable for whatever purpose you have in mind and equip me to be a mother to this precious child. I trust the end results to you.