Before we put her through the pain and discomfort her treatment will cause, I want her to know that we will not abandon her. That her mommy, daddy, brother, and sister are in her life for good, come what may.
I want her to know I am "Mommy," and that mommy comes when she needs her.
I want her to know she is a chosen treasure, made in the image of God.
Thinking through her care has brought up lots of thoughts. This road is going to be hard. I don't want to be away from the rest of my family for a few weeks for this procedure. I don't want to travel to a big city without Ian. I don't want to see our daughter go through more pain; she has already been through more than I can imagine . . . I could go on, but you get the point.
However, I have come to the conclusion that I want to do hard things that are out of my comfort zone if that is what is asked of me.
I want my kids to do hard things and not be caught up in mindless distractions/escapes of this world. I want Ori and Calla to see Ian and I follow God even when it isn't comfortable or doesn't make sense to us. I want them to hear us pray in faith regarding the rest of our fundraising for China Baby, expecting God to provide all we need. I want them to live with Jesus and love like Jesus. I want them to care for the needy and see disabilities/differences as gifts; I desire to see them make sacrifices to serve others. I want children who from an early age care about the needs of others.
As I think about what God created me to accomplish while on this earth, I know it includes being a mother and building our family through adoption. Those two desires have been in my heart since childhood.
But those things are hard.
Discipling children takes daily intentionality. When I am longing for a break, I have to remind myself to live for others. When I want to pretend I don't hear Ori and Calla fighting (knowing they haven't developed the skills to "work it out" yet), I have to pray for insight so that I can lead my children spiritually and emphasize character building. These things have eternal value . . . the hard things will be worth it all.
We will not hide these truths from our children
but will tell the next generation about the glorious deeds of the LORD.
We will tell of His power and the mighty miracles He did.
For He issued His decree to Jacob; He gave His law to Israel,
He commaned our ancestors to teach them to their children,
so the next generation might know them-
even the children not yet born-
that they in turn might teach their children.
So each generation can set its hope anew on God,
remembering his glorious miracles and obeying His commands.
Then they will not be like their ancestors-
stubborn, rebellious, and unfaithful,
refusing to give their hearts to God.