Following {PURSUIT}

Click here to read the first part of the story.

January 8, 2012 (from my personal journal)

I've been thinking a lot lately about how God leads us. Would I be willing to change the direction of my life if He asked? In Acts 16, Paul was told by the Holy Spirit not to go to Asia. Later, he had a vision of a man from Macedonia begging for help, and he went there instead. That seems so easy to me. But, I guess we don't know how the Holy Spirit spoke--if it was audible or through circumstances/impressions. Perhaps Paul was so in tune with God that he just knew. The truth, however, is that the Holy Spirit led Paul away from the wrong place and led him to the right one.

Isaiah 30:21 "Whether you turn to the right or to the left, you will hear a voice saying, 'This is the way, walk in it'." 

Isaiah 48:17-18 "This is what the LORD says--your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel: 'I am the LORD your God, who teaches you what is best for you, who directs you in the way you should go. If only you had paid attention to my commands, your peace would have been like a river, your well-being like the waves of the sea.'" 

God directs us in the way we should go and when we obey we have peace and righteousness.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I thought a lot about these thoughts, talked to a dear friend about them, and prayed for God's clear direction regarding Lui. I even thought, "A vision sure would be nice, Lord."

And guess what happened? That very night I had a wrestling match with God. I hardly slept. Every time I fell asleep, I saw Lui's face and heard, "This is the way, walk in it." I'd wake up frantic and pray, "Lord! Please bring another family to adopt her. Not us, God. Close the door." Repeat that scenario a bunch of times. It was a crazy night and I didn't know what to make of it.

Two nights later, I had another dream. (Side-note: Since becoming a mother, I do not dream. I close my eyes and sleep until morning--unless a baby wakes up, of course.) This time we were in China. It was so real, I could smell China (it has a distinct smell, if you have been there). We were in an orphanage. A nanny handed Lui to us and she cried and kicked a little, but it was the most amazing moment of my life. Her special needs were there, but she was a sweetheart. She was quiet, sad, and grieving her foster family so she slept with us that first night. I told Ian as I nuzzled against her dark hair, "I'm so glad I didn't miss this." Having her in our family was good.

I have never been one to put any weight whatsoever on dreams. But the timing of these? How they correlated with what I was studying and praying for? I could not deny their significance. I just couldn't.

My heart was changed and after months of wrestling, I was ready to pursue Lui. I knew that God would keep us away if she was not the one, but at that point, everything pointed at her (even a discussion with our pediatrician).

Click here for the conclusion.